So. Life lately has been such a blur that I need to remind myself to take pause and breathe. By a fortunate twist of events early this year, I cut my "rest period" short and landed myself a spot as a Pediatric resident in one of the oldest private hospitals in Manila. I was slated to travel to Vietnam and Cambodia this summer but as fate would have it, my medical career became my top priority. No complaints about that though. Because the earlier I finish residency, the more time (and money haha) I have for travel later on.
I must say, though, residency is no joke. I am beginning to understand why so many newly minted physicians opt to do moonlighting after the board exams rather than starting residency. Moonlighting gives you so much freedom and I guess more money than residency. But I have always had misgivings about moonlighting. I do not have enough confidence, knowledge, and skills to fly solo in a hospital setting. Hence, my preference to start residency.
I had no second thoughts about pursuing Pediatrics for my chosen specialty. I enjoyed my pediatrics rotation in clerkship/internship and I can't see myself in a different field at all.
Almost two months into residency and I can say that the journey is tough. It's like climbing a supremely difficult mountain with jagged rocks the entire way up. There will always be obstacles that will test your patience and your resolve. Duties go by where I question my every move and decision. I'm probably the most insecure resident there ever was, although I know that some feel the same way.
How badly do you want this?
If I am to be honest, thoughts of quitting have been making rounds in my brain lately especially when I'm from duty. Days when I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally battered (abuse, teh?). But then I keep reminding myself that I've worked so hard to be where I am right now. Why stop now?
I know I have so much to offer in the practice of medicine and I will simply have to work harder to achieve that consultancy position (and that long coat!).
Just be strong. Have faith. Don't quit.